a homebody, yet not
The past few days I've been homebound after going through a medical procedure. While I've been recovering fine (no complications, very lucky), staying at home the entire time hasn't been the fulfilling experience to me.
I've always felt that I was more of a homebody; my hobbies include playing games, reading (and now writing, I guess), and other chill, 'at home' hobbies. If you were to tell me on a normal work day that I'd get a few days in a row to just stay at home and do nothing, I think I would be ecstatic. But now, after 3 days of it, I find myself sick of it.
Today was the first day I left my house for a decently long period (other than going to checkups, or picking up food), and I have to say, it was a great experience. I went for a nice long walk around the neighbourhood, felt the sun on my skin for a bit, and sat at a coffee shop with my laptop for a bit to read up on some posts and sip on some coffee. None of it really involved much human activity (my coffee was a digital pickup) - but even then, I felt more alive than just sitting at home.
Sometimes I truly can't tell if I'm introverted or not. I generally enjoy sitting out and being surrounded by people; but not necessarily talking to them. People watching is fun, but long conversations are not. To be honest, self diagnostics of extroversion and introversion is a bit cringe to me, akin to how people live vicariously through their MBTIs. I'm sure it's an actual spectrum, just like most other things related to personality.
But sitting out in a cafe or a park and listening to other people talk just makes me feel a bit more alive, a bit more productive. Maybe it's because I inherently see some of my hobbies as a 'waste'; after all, I spent 3 hours on the first day home playing games with no real 'benefit'. I've started seeing people talking and writing about 'mindful rest' vs 'rotting'; I'm sure that has something to do with it as well.
Sometimes I take a step back and realize I perhaps am not making the most of my time day to day. After work, I just go home and cook, workout, and put on a youtube video, or play some games. I admit, I'm a bit jealous of my friends who constantly seem to have plans, exploring different parts of the city; yet I also feel a bit anti-social, unwilling to do the same thing with them. It's not that I dislike them - I simply sometimes want the feeling of just being out and about on my own schedule, without discussion and the freedom to do whatever. 1
Maybe it's time to step out of my shell more and just spend more time out of my home. For now, I'll head home and finish my recovery to reflect on it a bit more.
it also costs money to exist in san francisco, more so when you go out↩