that time of the year again (on burnout)
It's that time of the year again, where I'm perpetually close to some nice time off work. I've been planning and looking forwards to this trip for ages; not just because of where I'm going, but also because I can finally stop thinking about my job.
Not that I hate my job necessarily; all things said I'm rather lucky to be able to do what I do. Of course, there's oncall, perpetually changing organization and an ever-evolving tech world (where taking a week off seems like you've fallen a month behind), but I'm appreciative of where I'm at.
That being said, I'm still not sure I'm happy. There's of course the constant rat race of any corporate role, but recently I've been increasingly more aware of just how expendable I am. It's not like I wasn't aware of it before, but more than ever it feels unfair.
I'm lucky that my company hasn't done layoffs (or seems to be inclined to do so), but it's hard to ignore the general industry trends. I've had friends that have been laid off or trapped in awful jobs. Recently I've been thinking that I might not even really have this job in 5 years, which is crazy because I was hoping to be able to do this or something like it for the next few decades.
If my days are numbered, why don't I optimize for myself? Why don't I maximize my income while the income still exists? Of course, it comes back to interviewing (back to the treadmill) and taking another gamble.
Of course, some of this is just recency bias. It comes every few months (usually coincidentally timed with a particularly bad oncall shift), and can sometimes be remedied by a nice block of time off. Until then, I'll have to just keep dreaming of slack threads and deadlines.